Finding the Courage to Quit

This story is very personal, and I only share it with you because I know that I’m not the only one. I hope you can find your courage in it. This is the story of how I found the courage to leave everything in my life that I had planned to follow my dreams. 

Finding Courage to Quit | foodologygeek

I spent a really long time following all the rules.

Certain things in life are just expected. So I did them. I think we believe that these are things that make us happy. We follow blindly step-by-step. Well, at least I did. 

  • I’ve owned a business.
  • I went to college.
  • I earned a graduate degree.
  • I got married.
  • I had my daughter.
  • I supported my family financially.
  • I planned.
  • I worked hard.
  • I became an expert in my field.
  • I presented my research at major scientific conferences.
  • I instructed others in crime scene investigation and cold case hommicide investigation.
  • I testified in court as an expert witness in the field of forensic DNA.
  • I solved many cold cases and felt great about it.
A to do list of what society expects us to do. | foodologygeek

Then life happened

I could say S#&% happened.

  • I got divorced.
  • I made a major career move that was extremely stressful.
  • I spent some time figuring my life out.
  • I met the man that would become the love of my life and my best friend.
  • We got married.
  • We had some really challenging times – because blending a family can be hard and soul-crushing.
  • I was diagnosed with PTSD after 16 years of working in Forensics and seeing alot of things: crime scenes, cold case homicides, fatal crashes, and child pornography cases.
  • I was stressed, not sleeping, gaining weight, drinking way too much, working out way too hard while I was under all this stress.
  • It finally left me broken, and I had to make some tough choices.

I quit everything!

  • I quit measuring everything I ate.
  • I quit eating paleo.
  • I quit the gym.
  • I quit drinking every night.
  • I quit weighing myself.
  • I quit measure myself by the labels and values that I was previously attached.
  • I chose to leave a career that I loved because it was no longer serving me.

My job was no longer feeding my soul.

My career was destroying my soul and damaging my mental and physical health.

I was suffering. My family was suffering. So, I thought long and hard about what leaving this job would mean for me.

I decided for myself that life is too short to spend that much time just grinning and bearing a job that wasn’t adding anything positive to my life anymore.

Many people had opinions about whether I should stay with my job that had a guaranteed pension. Some people supported my leaving and even highly recommended it. Some people questioned my sanity.

What if I pursued my passion?

I started to imagine what life would be like if I were to invest all that time into what I have always been passionate about. Cooking.

I started to imagine what life would feel like I pursued my passion fearlessly, not for money or gain but strictly for the sole purpose of sharing my love with others.

What could my life look like if I was able to invest my time and love into the things in my life that are most important to me?

Everything in life takes hard work and commitment.

I looked around and saw so many successful food bloggers. Why could I not be one of them?

  • I can cook! I mean I can cook really well.
  • I can take pictures sure there is a little bit of difference in photographing crime scenes to beautiful food pictures.
  • I can learn.
  • I can work hard.

With effort and work, my food photography will get better.

Writing about food and life –  I can do that!

It’s going to take practice to get good at it. It took me 16 years to build a career.

It will take time to build this into a career. But that is okay. In the meantime, it is more vital for me and my family that I spend time investing my time in things that make me healthy and happy.

I recovered

After some treatment and some counseling, I recovered from PTSD, for the most part. I think there will always be a few things that I can never unsee. 

The important part is, I can sleep again. 

I hope this article finds you well and if you are reading this and you or anyone you may know has suffered from PTSD, get help! EMDR saved my life! Literally.

I cannot tell you how fortunate I feel that I had the right people in life that helped me get the help that I needed to recover from PTSD. There were a few years there that got pretty rocky.

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